The Blind Side
by milkywaymidnight
Summary: An accident leaves Janeway blind and Tom tries helping her through it. WARNING! Characters death!
1. Chapter 1

**The Blind Side **

**Summary:** Previously known as 'All I Want for Christmas Is You'. An accident leaves Janeway blind and Tom tries helping her through it.

**Warning/Disclaimer: **Warning for mild swearing and sexual content later on. I own absolutely nothing. Everything belongs to PBC Paramount. I just love borrowing the characters, especially Kathryn and Tom for my own and hopefully others entertainment.*Grins*

**Pairing:** Janeway/Paris

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**Chapter One**

Christmas was nearing an approach for the human members of Voyager's crew and Tom noticed that some of the non-human members were getting excited about the holiday as well. He supposed they were up for any reason to party. Even Tuvok seemed more up-beat. Well, as up-beat as a Vulcan can get that is.

He was currently helping Neelix decorate the mess hall, lining it with teal tinsel and putting up a Christmas tree in a corner. Harry had entered at some point and started helping him put the green lights and hanging red ornaments on it. It too was lined with silver tinsel.

"This is a good idea Tom," Harry approved hanging his last ornament and moved back admiring his handy work. "Not bad," he complimented himself. Tom chuckled doing the same

"Agreed. But its just not complete without this," he exclaimed holding up the star that the Captain was supposed to put on top.

Harry smiled folding his arms across his chest.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

Tom smirked tapping his combadge, "Paris to the Captain."

"Janeway here," she answered on the other end and he could hear the tiredness in her voice.

"Did you you forget that you were supposed to help Harry, Neelix and me decorate the mess hall this evening?" He heard a gasp and a whispered curse on the other end and he had to bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud.

"I fell asleep. I'll be there soon. Janeway out," the Communications link ended and Tom shook his head.

"I wonder if she's okay? She's been tired a lot lately. I'm surprised she hasn't fallen asleep on the bridge yet." Harry mentioned, his eyes showing genuine concern in them and Tom nodded in agreement. He too had noticed she'd been a little off her game. She was less enthusiastic and just seemed...drained. Though she tried her best to hide it while on duty. It just wasn't enough to fool him..or Harry it would seem.

"Maybe she just needs a holiday?" Tom suggested shrugging his shoulders a bit wondering how he could get the Captain to take a few days off and just relax. She was going to work herself to death at the rate and that would so not be good. Not good at all.

She entered minutes later and made her way towards them by the tree. He eyed her all the way, again taking notice how pale she was and hoped it was nothing serious.

"I apologize for being late gentlemen," she apologized placing her hands on her hips and took a moment to look around. He felt a pang in his heart knowing that she was off limits to him and pushed his longing for her aside before anyone else would notice. "I must say. The three of you did a remarkable job. I'm afraid my decorating skills are tangible at best." He grinned at that before making his way to her side and held up the star in front of her

"I'm sure that's not true Captain. And besides, we saved the best part for you," he teased waving the gold star a bit in front of her. She glanced at the star in his hand before lifting her beautiful blue orbs to meet his and he gulped.

She plucked the star ornament out of his hand and the moment was lost. He watched her turn and face the tree, trying to reach the top, but it was a little too big for her.

"I think... I need a hand," she asked standing on her toes, but the top of the tree was still out of her reach. Tom couldn't help but chuckle as he placed his hands around her waist. _'She was so tiny.' _he gulped again trying push away the desire within and lifted her so that she could place the star on top of the tree trying not to think of how good it felt to hold her like this._ If...only. _

"Tom, you can put me down now," her voice broke through the haze and he shook his head nodding as he placed her back on her feet.

"Sorry " he quickly apologized looking away.

"It's okay," She waved off his apology and he sighed with relief backing a away a little before he did something stupid.

"There. Now its perfect. Absolutely perfect," he complimented with enthusiasm, but wasn't looking at the tree.

As luck would have it, the perfect opportunity to get his Captain to relax arose a week before Christmas when Voyager came upon a planet that was uninhabited. And after making sure that it was safe, she had ordered shore leave for the crew. She always stayed behind on shore leaves, but not this time. She needed to have some fun for a change. His mind made up, he relinquished control of the helm to another lieutenant and made his way to Janeway's ready room. He lifted his hand and hit the control panel on the side of the door.

"Come in." She called from the other side and he sighed stepping inside.

"Mr. Paris? What can I do for you? I thought you of all people would want to take advantage of this shore leave. Why are you not?"

He saw her lips moving, and watched her use the desk to help push herself up from the chair, but had trouble making out the the words in his head. He was suddenly horrified of the possibility that he was actually gaping down at her like a fish. He shook his head, clamping his mouth shut, and remembered what he came here to do and stepped closer in front of the desk that kept him separated from her.

"Why are you not? Even the Captain deserves a vacation every now and then."

She looked away and he sighed for about the hudreth time that day.

"I have work to do," she argued lifting the data pad in her hand as if to prove her point. He didn't believe her though and folded his arms across his chest. He wasn't about to give up now.

"We all have work to do. But we're still taking the time off. Work will always be there. But how often to we come across an uninhabited planet? Harry tells me it looks like paradise down there," he argued back causing her to sigh.

"Not often. Maybe. Maybe you're right. Maybe I could use a break." She was giving in and Tom smiled a bit unfolding his arms and letting them hang down by his sides. _'That was easier than I thought it would be. She must be loosening up a bit.' _

He thought he would have to fight her tooth and nail to get her to agree to go down to the planet with him.

"I'm heading down there now. Care to join me?" he probed watching her carefully as she maneuvered her way around the desk until she was standing before him and nodded.

"I'd be delighted," she excepted his invitation sliding past him and out the door leaving him stunned and rooted the spot. He turned to gape at the doors she had just exited a moment before following her out.

"I'll be heading down to the planet with Mr. Paris, Tuvok. You have the bridge," Janeway informed waiting for him and then headed to the turbo lift.

"Aye Captain," He watched Tuvok move to take the Captain's seat from the corner of his eye as he followed her inside the lift He moved so that he was standing besides her, the light from the over heads shined down on making her seem more like an angel. She was breathtakingly beautiful. If it wasn't for her being Captain, he would so ask out. He didn't care about the age difference. It only made her more experienced, which would just be a bonus for him.

But just because he didn't care about the age difference doesn't mean that she didn't. He wondered if he made her as hot for him as she did for him.

She inclined her head at him from the side and blinked her eyes in confusion.

"What is it?" she probed and he looked away a little embarrassed about being caught staring at her, but he couldn't help it.

"Nothing. I'm just glad you're finally taking a little time off. Too much work is bad for you, you know."

She looked a away and he wondered if he'd gone too far.

"As much as its impossible for some people to believe, I actually enjoy my work."

He just grinned and looked ahead waiting for the doors to swoosh open. _'This is going to be fun.' _

**TO BE CONTINUED **

**Please drop me a line and let me know what you think so far? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

After changing into more appropriate cloths for the warm weather down on the surface of the planet, which for Tom was a pair tight blue jeans and a navy blue T-Shirt, he took a good look at himself in the mirror. Satisfied with his apearance, he picked up his duffel bag filled with a few days worth of extra cloths and sun screen just in case.

After some persuasion, which wasn't much, Janeway agreed that there vacation spot would be the beach. He then left his quarters and made his way to meet Janeway in the transporter room.

He entered his destination, only to discover that Janeway had beaten him there. His mouth fell open a bit as he eyed her a little up and down. She was wearing a teal blue dress that was short sleeved, full length and slit open down the side exposing a bit of her leg. It was a simple dress really, but looked positively amazing on her.

"Ready Tom?," she probed facing him from the transporter pad. Realizing that he was staring, he perked up nodding and made his way towards her.

"Yes Ma'am," he informed watching her pick up her duffel bag, but being gentlemen offered to hold it for her. She hesitated a moment before handing him the bag and he slipped the strap of it around his other shoulder. "Ladies first," he said waving his hand towards the transporter pad.

"My are aren't we the gentlemen today," she teased stepping up the transporter pad and he couldn't help but glance down at her backside getting a good look and grinned before looking back up at her as she turned around.

"When am I not a gentlemen?" he teased back following her up the transporter pad. She giggled turning to the transporter chief.

"Energize," she ordered glancing at him from the side. He just smiled back at her and looked away as they dematerialized.

Once they rematerialized on the planets surface, the first thing Tom noticed as he took a good look around was the slight breeze and the sound of the water waves hitting the shore line. The sun was shining and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. It was the perfect day to be at sea._ If only they had a row boat or even a surfboard would be enough.' _

"Nice day for a natural suntan don't you think Mr. Paris?" He turned his attention back to her, only to find that she had stripped down to her teal blue bikini and his breath caught in his throat. She took her duffel bag from him and removed her suntan lotion. She started rubbing it in her skin but had trouble reaching her back and looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Would you mind?" she asked holding out her sunscreen to him.

"Would I?" he answered with a slight smirk taking the sunscreen from her. He maneuvered himself so that he was sitting behind her and squeezed some of the sunscreen out of the bottle and onto his hand before placing the bottle aside and rubbed the lotion around in his palms.

She reached behind her back and unfastened the back of her bikini, a move that he wasn't prepared for and he gulped, suddenly wondering if this was such a good idea. Thank god she was still holding the front of it against herself or he didn't think he'd be able to control himself. Getting an eyeful, of her exposed skin, he lifted his hands and gently rubbed the lotion on her back and neck. He could feel his arousal for her grow with each rub and press and listened intently to the soft moans of approval she gave. He wondered how he was supposed to get through the next few days like this knowing that she was still out of his reach.

"Have I ever told you that you are very talented with your hands Mr. Paris," she teased over her shoulder shocking him. She giggled, which must be at the expression on his face and thanked him before reaching behind to fasten her top back up. She then pulled away, laying down on her stomach against the sand. He following her example and removed his shirt laying down on his own stomach next to her.

"Definitely nice and no you haven't, but thanks," he replied to her earlier questions. She giggled some more turning on her side and leaned up on an elbow so that she could rest the side of her head on it and he could feel her eyes on him.

"Like what you see?" he asked grinning as he turned on his own side mirroring her movements. She blushed looking away.

"I'm not telling."

He laughed pushing himself up so that he was sitting and used his hands to help hold himself up facing her. "I wouldn't blame you. I am quite the handsome guy."

She looked back at him then shaking her head, but he could see the hint of a smile forming her lips.

"Who is also very full of himself, I see," she retorted causing him to blush this time.

"Captain?" he began but she shook her head also pushing herself up in a sitting position.

"Call me Kathryn. We're on vacation remember?" she asked and he grinned with a not.

"Alright. Kathryn..." he agreed letting the name roll off of his tounge. She smiled and he paused unable to tear away his eyes away from hers. An awkward silence soon fallowed and he desperately tried thinking of something to say that wouldn't give him away.

Finally, she groaned pushing herself up into a full sitting position and folded her arms frustratingly across her chest. "This is ridiculous. We're friends aren't we?" At his nod she continued, "Then why does this feel so awkward?" He shrugged his shoulders not sure of what to say. Maybe asking her to join him wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Must be the view," He flinched realizing how stupid his reply sounded and looked out towards the waves of water.

"Tom? If somethings wrong, I want you to tell me," he heard the concern in her tone, but he didn't want her concern. He wanted her love.

"Nothings wrong," he snapped, but sighed at seeing a bit of hurt fill her eyes. "Look. Let's just drop it okay. You won't like the answer. So lets just forget about it and talk about something else," he argued and she folded her arms across her chest, her eyes hardening.

"Alright then. What else should we talk about?" she probed and he turned his attention back to her. He just didn't know what to say around her anymore. "You're doing it again." He blinked in confusion.

"What?"

"Staring at me. Don't think I haven't noticed."

_'Busted.'_ he thought thinking of an excuse, but couldn't come up with a believable one and so settled for lowering his eyes to the sandy beach in front of him in shame.

"I really try not to, but I can't help it." Her eyes softened and she got to her feet so that she could walk up to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder the way she always does on the bridge. He stiffened at her touch, he couldn't bear her to touch him right now. It hurt just having so close, yet so far.

"Before this gets out hand Tom, I feel I must inform you that I'm engaged to someone back home."

He definitely didn't want to hear that and with a soft cry, buried his face in his hands.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea then," he said lifting his head to look up at her. Her eyes filled with pity for him, but he didn't want pity. He just wanted her. She sighed looking towards the ocean waves.

"I think I'm going for a swim. You can join me if you like?" He shook his head. He didn't really feel swimming anymore. "Okay, I'll be back," she said turning and headed for the water. He watched her dive in just as a big wave hit the shore line and he got to feet to be ready just in case something should happen. He folded his arms across his chest as he watched her swim with the waves and his breath was taken away. _'God, why did she have to be engaged?' _

He saw her head go under water again, but this time she didn't come back up. "Captain?" he cried rushing towards the water and dived in to try and find her. The salt in the water hurt his eyes as he opened them searching for her. He swam deeper into the water, his heart filled with pain thinking that he had lost her when he spotted her a little ahead. Some kind of large tendril was wrapped around her ankle pulling her further downwards. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't moving. He felt his pulse pulsing faste with fear as he pushed himself forward using all his strength and managed to remove the tendril. He then wrapped his arms around her and swam them back to the surface.

He was gasping for breath as he dragged her from the water to the shore and on the sand.

"Captain?" he pleaded for her to open her eyes, but when she didn't, he choked back a sob. She wasn't breathing, her skin was turning pale and her lips an offending shade of blue . He ran back to their duffel bags and pulled out his combadge from his before running back to forgot about the bags, they weren't important and knelt by her side placing a hand on her shoulder as he used the other to bring the comm badge to his trembling lips. "This is Paris. Medical Emergency. Two to beam directly to sickbay," he ordered blinking back tears as he brushed her damp hair out of her eyes. '_Don't you dare die on me,'_ he silently pleaded as they were beamed back to the ship.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**A/N: **_**Not what you expected was it? Grins* Feedback is greatly appreciated!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

"What happened?" the Doctor yelled for a report rushing towards them, just as they were beamed to sickbay, but Tom waisted no time in answering him and hovered over her, tilting her head so he could have better accesses to mouth. He opened it and squeezed her nose shut with his fingers before breathing a mouth full of air into her lungs. He gasped for breath pulling back up and placed his hands on her chest and started pumping them up and down as hard as he could.

"Come on, Captain! Breathe!" he cried bending down to breathe some more air into her lungs. He gasped for more breath pulling back up and started pumping her chest again. "You can't die! You just can't! We need you. I need you. Please," he sobbed pausing to bend down and breath as much air as he possibly could this time into her lungs. He straightening up and started the whole process over again and again, but she just wasn't breathing.

He pulled back again slapping her across the face, "Damn you!" he cried lifting her in his arms and holding her tight against his chest burying his fingers in her hair. The Doctor, who was eying this scene with sympathy, yet mild interest, took out his medical tricorder and ran it over her. He closed the tricorder and Tom knew what he was about to announce and held up his hand to stop him.

"Don't say it. I know," he lifted the Captain limply in his arms and carried her to the nearest bio bed. He just felt numb as he stared blearily down at the unmoving form of her on the bio bed. He could hear the Doctor start making a report of the time of death in his log, when all of the sudden her chest rose and she started coughing up the water from her lungs.

He found a towel and hurried around the bed by her side looking down at her with newfound hope in his eyes and reached down and curled his fingers around her wrist. He was filled with relief at feeling a weak but stable pulse there. He then covered that hand with both of his and raised it to his heart just as she managed to catch her breath.

"Tom?" she probed squeezing her eyes shut as if in pain.

"Yeah. It's me," he assured using the towel to clean up the water and dry her skin that managed to get wet.

"I can't see."

Tom couldn't help but chuckle a little despite the situation and placed a comforting hand down on her shoulder.

"That's because you're eyes are still closed. Try opening them," he replied in a soft voice gently placing the hand that was on her shoulder on her cheek and turned her so that she was facing him better.

With a great deal of difficulty and a certain amount of suffering, judging by the low moans of discomfort that escaped her throat, which Tom felt a stab of pain in his heart with each one of them, she eventually managed to open her eyes, but they were dull and lifeless._ 'Oh my god!'_ he gasped calling for the Doctor.

"Tom, I can feel my eyes open, but I still can't see a thing! It's so dark in here. What's wrong with me?" she started getting hysterical and Tom tried calming her down, just as the Doctor arrived. He moved aside to allow him to check her out. The Doctor held her still so he could check her eyes. He turned to Tom shaking his head and Tom's newfound hoped crashed to be replaced with dread.

"I'm, sorry Captain! Unfortunately, I have to be the barrier of bad news," the Doctor began.

"Which would be?"

"You're blind. I really am sorry," the Doctor diagnosed.

"Is it permanent?" she probed clutching Tom's hand a little tighter and he squeezed as equally tight back for support.

"I don't know yet," the Doctor answered moving to check her ankle that looked as if it had been stung in several places.

He examined the ankle with a solemn expression, which Tom knew meant that it was bad.

"Doc?" he probed for a diagnoses making the Doctor straighten up and look at him.

"I can extract the poison and heal the wounds, but the damage may have already been done. We'll just have to see." Tom nodded hating to wait, but knew he'd have to just deal with it. He hoped for a miracle as he observed the Doctor get to work, extracting the venom from her wounds before asking him for the healing device. Tom nodded handing the Doctor the instrument and continued to watch him patch her up.

Once the procedure was completed, the Doc set the instrument aside looking down at her, his expression changing from solemn to hopeful.

For a hologram, he sure seemed human enough.

"Do you feel any pain at all?" he probed taking out his tricorder running it over her slightly shivering form again.

"A little, but it's fading. I'm still blind as a bat though," she reported her symptoms lifting her free hand and waving it a bit in front of her unseeing eyes. A frown formed her lips and Tom sighed knowing that she was now using humor to replace the fear and hurt she was feeling. She always does that, always tries to be the strong one and be there for her crew. Well now she needs someone to be there for her and it was going to be him. He'll make sure of it.

He knew she could still be a strong leader without seeing anything. It would just take time. She pushed herself up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Can I go now?" she asked the Doctor who nodded.

"You can go, but I'm relieving you of duty for the next week, and I want you back here for a daily check up until I know for sure everything is fine and hopefully find a cure for your blindness if it is indeed permanent," he paused looking knowingly towards Tom before continuing, "I would also like someone to look after you for awhile."

"To be my watch dog, you mean?" she groaned gripping the edge of the bed.

She was getting frustrated and Tom waisted no time in volunteering himself, "I'll do it."

"I had a feeling you would. I recommend the two of you consider a change of clothing before leaving sickbay. Don't want people to start getting suspicious now do we?" The Doc recommended giving him a brief smile before excusing himself and going back to his office. Tom shook his head after him fetching the Captain and himself a medical gown. She thanked him and he helped her put hers on before throwing his own on and then helped her off the bed.

"He'll find a cure. He always does," Tom tried encouraging her as he led her through the corridors to his quarters.

"And what if he doesn't this time? What if I'm stuck like this? I can't Captain this ship blind," she cried pulling her hand free from his and turning away from him.

"Hey."He turned her around by the shoulders bringing her close. "You'll get through this. You'll get your eyesight back. But until then, I'll be here to help you in anyway I can," he promised reaching for the hand he had been holding to help lead the way to his lips and pressed a soft tender kiss against her knuckles.

She stiffened and took in a shaky breath. Realizing that he was making her uncomfortable, he let go of her hand and held onto the back of her arm instead before continuing their journey to his quarters.

"I don't want to be a burden on you Tom. You have other priorities and I'll just be in the way of those," she denied shaking her head.

"That's not true," he argued raising his voice a little. "I really don't have priorities except flying the ship and maybe spending some time with Harry," he paused catching his breath. _'Can't she see my only other priorities has been trying to impress her with my many talents and getting her attention?' _he wondered with a groan before continuing, "The truth is ,I'm more of loner."

"I'm sorry." she said turning her head away from him again. "As Captain, I know what that feels like. People don't really talk to me as Kathryn, except maybe you and Tuvok, only when he feels it's appropriate of course." Tom chuckled a little at this before she continued, "I guess that makes me more of a loner too."

"We'll be loners' together then," he meant it as a joke, but he froze and turned to her as they reached the doors to his quarters. "That is, if you want to?" He really hoped she wanted to. If nothing else, he could at least be her best friend. The one she could come to for a shoulder to cry on when she needed one, to chit chat with and not feel uncomfortable about it and to basically just be herself around with.

"I think, I'd like that. We're still friends then?" '_Did she think she had lost his friendship because of the way he felt about her?' _Smiling, he reached for her hand again giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Best friends," he confirmed letting go of her hand.

"I thought Harry was you're best friend?" she asked smiling a bit.

"Who says you can't have two best friends?" he teased, though he meant it and was rewarded with a bright smile from her. He lifted his hand to enter his security code on the panel on the side of the doors.

They swooshed open and he escorted her inside and guided her towards his couch with his hand pressed gently on the small of her back and told her to have a seat while he went to his bedroom to change.

He emerged from his bedroom in his uniform and found her leaning back against the couch looking lost. He sighed walking over to the couch and perching himself next to her, "it's going to be okay."

She turned to him shaking her head folding her arms against her chest, "I just...don't know what to do with myself? I feel so...useless right now. What am I suppose to do for a week with no sight? Or a lifetime for that matter? I can barely stand it now!"

Tom wasn't used to seeing this side of the Captain. She was usually so sure of herself, but now. He sighed turning his body towards hers, suddenly unsure of what to say. "Maybe this is just the universes way of forcing you to take a break," he offered but flinched as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth knowing she'd object.

"I was taking a break with you down on the planet," she reminded turning away from. "I let my guard down and now I'm paying the price because of it." She was starting to retreat back into herself and Tom didn't know how to stop it. He ran his hand frustratingly down his face.

"It wasn't your fault. No one could've seen this coming. You can't spend every second of every day trying to predict the future. You'll eventually drive yourself mad," he argued trying not to raise his voice, but damn it, she was being so difficult.

She didn't respond, instead pushed herself up from the couch, her back stony and facing him.

"I'd like to go back to my quarters now." It was more an order than a request and he nodded trying hide the hurt behind his eyes even though she couldn't see it. He stood up abruptly from the couch taking her gently by the arm and leading her out the door.

"Are people staring?" she asked as he guided her back to her quarters.

"No," he lied not wanting her to feel more uncomfortable than she already was. The truth was that they did pass a few people along the way, who stopped in their tracks obviously a little stunned and confused to see their Captain being handled with care by her pilot, but one glare from him telling them to mind their own business got them moving again before they had a chance to ask questions.

"We're here," he announced as they reached the doors to her quarters.

"Finally," she breathed with relief pulling her arm free from his as if he were some sort of plague or something. "Thank you for your assistance Mr. Paris, but I think I can handle being on my own from here." She was dismissing him and he bit his bottom lip hurt, but nodded in understanding.

"I'm just a comm line away if you need anything," he offered backing up a little to give her some space.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said lifting her hand to the panel before groaning and lowering it. She opened the doors using her voice instead giving the computer her authorization code. They swooshed opened and his heart skipped a beat as she stepped inside turning around to face him and knowing that she couldn't actually see him left an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach and knew that it must be ten times worse for her because she was the one who couldn't see him.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but decided against it. "Goodnight Tom." She didn't give him a chance to reply before turning around and walking further into her living era. Her doors swoosh closed behind her and he stood there for moment feeling pretty useless himself.

"Goodnight," he whispered back before continuing to wonder through the corridors not sure of what to do with himself. _'Maybe I'll see what Harry's up to,"_ he though before remembering that he was probably still enjoying his time off on the planet. _'There goes that idea.' _

He eventually found himself outside the hollodeck and told the computer to run his Sandrines program. The doors swooshed open and he entered. Wanting to be alone, he ordered the computer to delete the characters and dim the lights. He then went behind the bar and poured himself a drink before finding a table to sit at. He nursed his drink staring blankly ahead at the wall thinking about the Captain and how he was supposed to help her though this if she wouldn't let him._ 'Maybe, I'll just have to be get tougher with her,_" he thought hating to have to resort to that.

He heard the doors to the bar open and turned to see who was interrupting his privet time and was about to tell them off for doing just that when he saw that it was just Harry.

"I had a hell of a time finding you, you know. I asked the Computer the location of you and it told me you were in your quarters. I went to check, but you weren't there. The computer then told me were outside the Captain's. Again, you weren't there," he informed making his way to sit on the vacant chair in front of him.

"Well congratulations! You found me," Tom replied really wanting to be alone, but didn't have the heart to tell Harry to leave and decided to change topics, "What are you doing here? I thought you'd still be enjoying your time off on the planet?"

"Actually, the Commander ordered everyone to return to the ship after finding out about the Captain." A look of concern crossed Harry's face then as he asked, "How is she handling it?"

"She's blind Harry! How would you be handling it?" he snapped. A look of hurt now replaced the one of concern on his friends face and he immediately started to apologize, "I'm sorry." Harry nodded telling him that it was okay, but he knew better and that he hurt his feelings. He sighed leaning back in his chair. "I'm supposed be looking out for her, but she's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want, 'a watch dog', as she puts it. How am I supposed to help her if she wont let me?" Harry's expression softened as he leaned forward with his elbows on the table.

"You care about her?"

Tom snorted.

"Of course I care about her Harry. She's my Captain," he tried denying, but knew that Harry wasn't buying it.

"You know what I mean," he pressed on giving him the look, which made it hard for Tom to lie to his face._ 'He's going to find out sooner or later. Might as well get it over with.' _

"I love her Harry," he felt a great weight of relief being lifting from his shoulders at finally confiding in someone about it besides the Captain herself, who made it pretty clear that she doesn't return his feelings and probably wouldn't do anything about them if she did because she was pining for someone back home.

Harry's eyes fell and Tom was sure he wouldn't like what he was about to say. "I was hoping it was just my imagination. She's the Captain Tom," he argued. Tom narrowed his eyes dangerously at him.

"Don't you think I know that. You think I like waking up every morning knowing she'll never think of me as anything more than a friend? I'm barely able to fly the ship with her behind me knowing that she'll never be mine," he argued back feeling hot angry tears try and spill over his eyes, but he fought them off. The last thing he wanted was to break down in front of Harry. "Do me a favor Harry and just leave me alone," he felt bad raising his voice to him, but he couldn't bear for anyone to see him like this right now, especially Harry.

A look of sympathy filled his friends eyes as he rose from his chair and paused briefly by his. "Just, try and be careful. Both for your own sake and hers," Harry gave him his advice giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze before walking out.

Tom heard the doors squeak close after him and he was left alone again to sulk. He continued to nurse his drink thinking he really should go back to his quarters and get some sleep so he'd be ready to deal with the Captain tomorrow.

Taking his own advice, he abandoned his drink and ordered the computer to end the simulation before returning to his quarters.

He showered and changed for bed before climbing in underneath the covers.

He couldn't sleep and knew that he'd regret it tomorrow, but he just couldn't get her off his mind. He tried not thinking about her like that, but it wasn't helping. He groaned tossing his covers aside and decided he'd continue organizing the Christmas party for this weekend. It was decided that anyone could attend and he sent out personal messages saying that it was to be a put luck and everyone could bring something if they chose to. As for gifts, he decided they would play secret Santa for anyone who wanted to participate. Of course, he'd have to get the Capt...Commander's permission for this part because of resources.

He eventually fell asleep on his couch with the pad still in his hans. Even while asleep, he managed to hold it delicately against his heart, but it wasn't a list.

It was a picture of her.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**A/N:** Hope I've managed to, 'surprise' you all again! Please let me know how I did on that?

*Grins Evilly*


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The next morning, Tom hit the chime on the side of the Captain's door. _'I hope she's okay," _he thought before shaking his head and berated himself, "Of course she's not okay, you idiot."

The doors swooshed open and all Tom could do was just stand there and stare for a moment. She was still in her beige nightgown and her hair was down, shiny and smooth and he could just imagine himself brushing his fingers through the silky waves.

"Hi," was all he could think of to say. He shook his head at himself thinking, _'Way to go Paris. That's the way to win her over.' _

"Hi Tom.," she returned the greeting moving aside allowing him entrance. He smiled even though she couldn't see and stepped inside hearing the doors swooshing shut behind him.

"Come to check up on me, Mr. Paris?" she probed moving back to the sofa and sat down pressing her hand down on the table and moving it around a bit until she made contact with her coffee cup and smiled as she picked it up by the handle and took a sip.

He watched this with both sympathy and fascination as he moved to joined her on the couch and struggled to find words to start up a conversation with. "Uh..." he started but paused when she turned her body towards his shaking her head before taking another sip of her coffee.

"I may be blind, but I know when I'm being stared at. Maybe you should leave and have the Doctor find someone else to check up on me," she said warningly setting her coffee back down on the coffee table and looking away from him, but he couldn't do as she asked. Not until he talked to her first. He tried, really tried, but he just couldn't think of her a best friend when he wanted so much more than that.

"I'm not going anywhere," he denied folding his arms against his chest. "We need to talk about this."

"About what?" she asked resting her elbows on her thighs.

"Us," he urged but she shook her head.

"There is no us Tom. I told you before, I'm engaged," she argued leaning back against the cushions.

"Yeah. To someone who's also seventy four thousand light years away. Do you really expect him to wait for you that long," he challenged knowing he was getting out of line, but he couldn't help the way he felt about her and it was making him do and say things he didn't want to do or say.

"How dare you," she snarled pushing herself up off the couch and angrily balling her fist at her sides. "You know nothing about the man I'm engaged to. He loves me and I'm determined to get home before he gives me up for dead."

Tom groaned also pushing himself up from the couch and moved threateningly towards her trying to control his temper, but failing miserably, "I love you! Do you still love him?"

"That's none of your business." She turned her back to him and he sighed running both his hands frustratingly down his face. She was driving him up the wall.

"I'll take that as a no," he growled grabbing her by the shoulders spinning her around and forcing his mouths on hers for rough but passionate kiss. He burried his fingers in her hair that indeed felt like the purest of silk. It was bliss, her lips were intoxicating and he couldn't get enough of them. She was trying to push him away, but he just couldn't let her go. He backed her up forcefully until he had her pinned between him and the wall.

"Tom stop," she pleaded, but he couldn't hear her through the buzz affect she was having on him. He strained against his pants to the point that it was causing him misery and he needed to be released and soon.

Wanting her to feel what she did to him, he lifted her up, so that she had no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist to keep from falling. She was trembling now and it just made him crave her even more.

"Tell me you don't want me," he whispered seductively in her ear.

"I don't want you," she gasped as he pressed his lips against the curve of her neck. He grinned lowering them to the floor and setting her on his lap. He could almost feel her bare skin on his fingertips through the light silk of her nightgown and he groaned with desire, nuzzling his nose against hers.

"I don't believe you," he said capturing her lips again and trailing them down her chin to her neck. .

"Tom, please don't do this. This isn't you," she cried pushing against his chest to get him to stop, making him freeze and he pulled back a little to see the fear on her face and tears streaming down her cheeks._ 'Oh my god! What am I doing?' _

It was like waking up from a nightmare and he pushed himself back horrified at what he just tried to do.

"Captain, I'm sorry," he tried apologizing, but knew there was no possible way that she would ever forgive him for this. He lost her and it was all his fault, and all because he couldn't control his stupid hormones.

"Leave," her voice was low and dangerous as she pushed herself up from the floor using the wall to help support her balance.

He nodded looking anywhere except her, tears were blurring his vision as he pushed himself up off the floor and ran out of there as fast as he could.

He couldn't believe that he just sexually assaulted the woman he loved. He didn't think he'd be able to live with himself.

He was running so fast that he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and the tears were rushing down his cheeks faster than he could wipe them away.

SLAM

He ran smack into someone and stumbled back in a daze barely able to stop himself from falling backwards.

"Ow," he recognized the voice and looked down to see Harry pushing himself up from the floor and rubbing his forehead that he had just bumped against his, but he felt too much pain in his heart to feel anything physical right now. "Tom, are you alright? Why are crying? Is it the Captain? Is she alright," Harry probed in a rush and he could see the concern in his friends eyes, but he couldn't think straight enough to answer him and pushed past him, but Harry obviously didn't get the hint and kept fallowing him through the corridor.

"Tom, what happened? Why are you crying?"

"Go away Harry," he snapped wanting to be alone. He couldn't bear to face anyone right now.

"Not until you tell me why you're crying? Maybe I can help."

Tom snorted rolling his eyes.

"You can't help Harry. Not this time. And you probably wouldn't want to even try helping me after you find out what I did," Tom tried getting him to leave him alone, but he just wouldn't listen.

"Find out what? What did you do?" Harry insisted and Tom halted turning to him with narrowed eyes clenching his fist at his sides.

"You really want to know Harry? You really want to find out how big a fool I truly am?"

"Yes. It can't be that bad."

Tom shook his head annoyingly at Harry's all shining glory response.

"No. It's ten times worse. I just tried raping the Captain."

He could see Harry's face visibly pale and shaking his head in denial.

"You didn't? You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't do that. You love her."

"Sorry to shatter your misplaced faith in me Harry, but I have to go throw myself in the brig before Tuvok and the Commander get a chance. Of course, I should probably just let them. I deserve the humiliation. My only regret is that it hardly compares to how much I just put her through."

"I know you Tom. You're no rapist," _'God the kid is stubborn. He's just not getting it. I've never been a good man. And even when I try to be good, I always end up where I belong. In jail.'_ He didn't deserve his friendship or anyone else's for that matter. It was almost like, he was destined to be alone. Maybe it was better that way.

"Do me a favor Harry?" he asked turning away from him preparing to go to security for his confession.

"What do you want me to do?" Harry asked trying to get him to look at him from the side.

"Keep an eye on Kathryn for me. Make sure she's okay."

"Sure."

Tom managed to give him a small smile of gratitude before continuing his journey to the brig. Once he was there, he asked to see Tuvok and for a data pad. The security personnel on guard nodded and handed him one before calling Tuvok. He stood off to side typing down his confession. He looked up as Tuvok entered, who looked at him with a raised eyebrow before dismissing the security guard on duty and making his way to him.

"You wished to see me, Lieutenant," the Vulcan probed and he nodded.

"Yes sir," he replied passing him the data pad. Tuvok looked down then back up at him.

"Is this true?"

Tom glared at him.

"Yes sir. You can toss my worthless hide behind the forcefield now," he insisted folding his arms against his chest.

"She hasn't filed a complaint against you. There for, you are free to go Lieutenant,." Tuvok denied handing him back the data pad, but Tom just threw it angrily back at him barely missing the side of his head as he ducked to avoid it.

"Cut out the logical crap Tuvok. I know that deep down you care about the Captain. You know that what I did was wrong and you want to see me behind the forcefield just as much as I do. I don't care if she's filed a complaint against me or not. I'm filling the complaint against myself so just do it." he shouted staring him down.

"Tuvok to the Commander," Tuvok said hitting his combadge.

"Go ahead Tuvok," the Commander replied on the other end.

"I require your assistance in security."

"Is there a problem?"

"Yes sir. Lieutenant Paris is insisting on being arrested with charges of sexually assaulting the Captain, but she has yet to file any charges against him."

"He did what? I'm on my way." Tom could hear the anger in the Commander's voice and thought, '_Finally'_ knowing the man wouldn't hesitate about giving him what he deserved and maybe a black eye as a bonus.

The Commander soon arrived and he narrowed his eyes as they found his making his way to stand beside Tuvok. "Commander. Please tell Tuvok here to put me in the brig where I belong." The Commander looked a bit surprised then, but nodded to Tuvok who nodded back and moved forward taking him by the arm and placing him behind the forcefield and then went back to the Commander.

He ignored them then as he laid down and folded his hands together on his stomach and sniffed staring blankly up at the ceiling.

"Tom?" he looked sideways to see Chakotay staring a little with concern down at him from behind the other side of the forcefield.

"What do you want?" he growled through clenched teeth sitting up on an elbow.

"I can tell when someone wants to punish himself. I spoke to the Captain on the way here. She said you tried, but you didn't and she refuses to press charges against you. But, I'm allowing you to punish yourself for a few days," the Commander replied and Tom snorted looking away from him.

"I deserve more than a few days. After what I did. What I tried to do," he cried covering his face with his hands for a moment to try and hide his tears before lowering them. "I don't think I can live myself."

"Take a few days," The Commander before turning and left.

Now that he was alone, he could think, but he instantly regretted it. He still wanted her, and badly. He pushed himself up and hit his head back against the wall trying to think clearly, but he couldn't. All he could think about was kissing and making love to her. He looked down and gulped. His arousal was so painfully noticeable and there was no possible way he could hide it.

He hunched over with his elbows on his thighs resting his chin on his clasped knuckles and prayed, _'Maybe I'll die of boredom?' _

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**A/N: **_**I know, another twist, but hopefully a good one.**_

**PLEASE REVIEW! **_**They really are appreciated! I know I say that a lot, but it's true. LOL! **_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** _**I am so sorry about the long wait! I really despise writers block. Anyway, I do hope you all enjoy this chapter! **_

**Chapter Five**

"Tom Paris, get up," Tom heard a feminine voice demand, and the sound of it made him snap is eyes open in attention. His vision was blurry with unshed tears and he tried getting them to focus as he inclined his head to see the woman who meant the world to him standing behind the shield with her hands on hips. Harry was standing besides her taking on the same look of authority.

"I don't deserve to," he argued glaring back up at the ceiling.

"Tom, I know you feel guilty about what you tried to do and if it makes you feel any better, I forgive you. I need my best pilot at the helm, so stop brooding and get up," she tried demanding again, but Tom shook his head and turned glaring at her.

"How can you forgive me so easily? I deserve to rot in hell for what I did," he retorted using the wall to help push himself up in a sitting position.

"Because I know you Tom. I know you would've stopped yourself before you went to far. I know you would never intentionally hurt me." He sighed lowering his head, but nodded and stood. She nodded at the security guard, who nodded back and deactivated the forcefield. Tom stepped out but kept his distance from her. He could see Harry offer her his arm and she took hold of it. It made him feel a little jealous and he glared at his friend as he followed them out of security and into the corridor.

* * *

After his shift on the bridge, Tom left in a hurry wanting to try and start over with Janeway. He asked the computer her location in the turbolift, which informed him that she was in her quarters. Once he arrived outside her quarters, he lifted his fingers and hit the chime. She answered it a few seconds later and like always, his breath was caught in his throat. She was in a nightgown and her hair hung loose and free. He loved seeing her out of the uniform.

"Hi," he greeted and she moved aside letting him in and he turned around facing her.

"Look. Um...we kind of gotten off to rotten start. So...if it's alright with you, I'd like to try start over?" he asked watching her sit on the couch.

"I don't know," she said looking out the view port, even though she couldn't see the stars and Tom felt a stab of guilt in his heart.

He sat next her and gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze while lifted her chin with his finger so that he could see her better. She made no attempt to push him away and the next thing he knew, he was kissing her again. She moved her hands up his chest and he grinned against her lips. He continued kissing her until she pulled back. "Tom, you know we can't." He groaned running his fingers frustratingly through his hair.

"Then why the hell did you let me kiss you in the first place?" he grumbled standing from the couch and glared down at her.

"I..why are you doing this?" she shouted back burying her face in her hands.

"Because I love you," he argued getting on knees before her and removed her hands from her face holding them tenderly and lovingly between his. "I'll leave you alone if you really want me too. But I really want to stay and keep on kissing you."

She shook her head looking away again. "A part of me wants you to stay Tom. It's just...Mark and the fact that I'm your Captain.." He shushed her by pressing his finger to her lips.

"I would never ask you to forget Mark. And if he really loved you. I think he'd want you try and move on and find someone else who can make you happy. As for you being my Captain, I don't care. It only makes you more special to me," he poured his heart out and could see a smile tugging at her lips.

"So your only attracted to me because I'm your Captain? What if I wasn't?" she probed and he smiled perching himself next to her on the couch again.

"Then I'd still love you because you're Kathryn Janeway. It just wouldn't be as much fun without the Captain part," he joked trying to lighten the mood and she gasped slapping his shoulder. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she rested her head against his and he pulled her close.

They eventually fell asleep together, curled up on her couch, but when Tom woke up in the middle of the night, his arms were empty. He lifted the over throw blanket that she must've covered him with and pushed himself up off the couch and made his way to her bedroom. He folded his arms and leaned against the door frame admiring her sleeping form a few moments before walking all the way in and bent down giving her a swift kiss then straightened up and left.

The next morning when Tom woke up, he was in his own quarters. He yawned and stretched as he pushed himself out of bed . He did his morning routine and changed before heading for the mess hall and bumped into Harry along the way, He spotted her at a table eating with Tuvok and smiled, glad that she wasn't shutting herself away in her quarters today. After gathering his plate with food he followed Harry to a table in the far back of the room over looking the stars.

"What was that?" Harry asked sitting down preparing to eat.

"What was what?" Tom probed pretending not to know what he was talking about.

"The smile you just gave the Captain," Harry clarified giving him a knowing look and Tom smirked back.

"Not here Harry. I'll tell you later," he answered looking over at the Captain and Tuvok, who was standing up to leave. "I'll catch you later okay Harry," he said standing and picked up his tray before making his way over to Janeway's table and nodded at Tuvok, who raised his eyebrow at him and offered him his chair then made his leave. If Tom didn't know any better, he'd of sworn that the Vulcan was grinning.

"Tuvok knows," she informed picking up her fork and playing with her food.

"I figured he would be the first to find out. Well, actually the second. Harry was the first. What'd Tuvok have to say about it?" he asked taking a bite of his food.

"A typical Tuvok response: That I was breaking starfleet protocols and risking facing a court marshal when we get home. But that despite that, he's my friend and reminded me just how far away from the alpha quadrant we are and that its only human to want companionship and a mate. He actually congratulated me and... you too," she answered setting down her fork.

"He did?" Tom questioned unbelievably.

"Yes. I was as surprised as you are" she said folding her hands in her lap as if she suddenly didn't know what to do with them. He eyed her carefully and could tell she was uncomfortable being here. He hurriedly finished his breakfast and stood.

"Come on. Lets get out of here," he said helping her up and glared at the members of the crew staring at them. He led her out into the corridor. "So where do you want to go now?"

"Anywhere without people."

He paused and sighed turning to her.

"Cap...Kathryn. It's not good to shut yourself out like you've been doing."

"I don't care. I don't like people staring at me. I can't see them, but I can feel it. It just...makes me uncomfortable." Tom frowned lifting his hand to cup her cheek.

"I stare at you," he reminded rubbing his thumb against her cheekbone.

"Yeah but...I know its because you like me which is completely different then the way other people stare at me."

Now Tom never meant to laugh at her rambling, but he couldn't help it. She was just so cute when she was flustered.

"Why are you laughing?" she probed sounding a little irritated and folded her arms against her chest.

"Sorry. Its just that you looked so...cute just now," he tried explaining himself and containing his laughter which wasn't easy.

"Oh," she said taking his arm, which he took as her cue that it was time to move on.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**PLEASE REVIEW! _They really mean a lot to me!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

After thinking it over of where to go, they decided to go back to her quarters for awhile.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm getting kind of bored? Being blind really sucks big time," Janeway exclaimed feeling around for the replicator and ordered a cup of coffee. She asked if he wanted anything, but he said "No Thanks!" and smiled a little, watching her set her coffee on the table and then sit down on the couch. He sat down next to her and continued staring at her.

"What?" she asked turning to him.

"Nothing," he replied steeling a quick kiss from her. She blushed and turned away. "I just can't seem to keep my eyes of you," he teased cupping the back of her neck with his hand and rubbed his thumb up and down in a gentle caress.

"Or your hands it would seem," she teased back turning back to him.

"Too true," he said smiling and pulled her in for another kiss. She froze a moment, but then wrapped her arms around him and started kissing him back. He grinned against her lips until finally the lack of oxygen forced him to separate from her.

"Tom?"

"Yeah?" he asked resting his forehead against hers.

"We know that Harry and Tuvok don't seem to have a problem or at least are tolerant of us being together. Tuvok in a way, actually encouraged it, but what if the rest of the crew doesn't?" she asked and he sighed.

"Then I say to hell with them. What they think doesn't change the way we feel about each other," he said giving her thigh a slight squeeze. _'I have to remember to thank Tuvok for talking some sense into her later,' _he thought as she covered the hand he had on her thigh with hers and nodded.

"You're right. Tuvok said just about the same thing. Its just...its going to be a little hard for me to not care about what they think," She was rambling again and Tom chuckled.

"I know. But it doesn't matter as long as you still love me," he expressed capturing her mouth with his laying them down on the couch with her on Top of him.

"Hey, I just got a great idea!" he exclaimed sitting them back up and he could see that he had startled her a little.

"What's that?" she asked tentatively.

"Come on," he said capturing her hand and helped her off the couch then led her hurriedly out the doors. _'This should cheer her up. We haven't done it in awhile and I just know she can still do it.' _

* * *

He then led her to the holodeck, luckily it wasn't in use and he called up his Sandrines program and asked the computer to exclude the characters. The doors swooshed open and he let his hand wonder to the small of her back as he led her inside and towards the pool table.

"Tom. You know I can't play like this," she reminded, but he shook his head, picked up a cue and handed to her.

"Of course you can Kathryn," he simply said racking up the balls.

"You must be really desperate to beat me at least once at a game to stoop this low of playing against a blind woman."

He flinched and then looked up from the balls at her and saw that she was only joking with him. He smiled placing the rack aside and made his way around the pool table until he was a little behind her. He helped her line up a shot and stepped back. She was hesitating and he leaned forward

"Just picture the shot in you your head and crack. You can do it. I know you can," he whispered in her ear giving her elbow an encouraging squeeze then stepped back allowing her some space.

She pulled the cue back and then CRACK.

He looked on and wasn't really surprised to witness three of the stripe balls go into the pockets.

"How did I do?" she asked straightening back up.

"You just got three stripe balls to go into the pockets. See, I knew you could do it," he exclaimed proudly and kissed her. She kissed back a moment before pulling away.

"The cracking part was easy. But how am I supposed get the septate ones to go in?"

"Easy. I'll help you," he answered moving her around the table a little and helped her line up another shot with another one of the stripe balls.

After beating him to two games of pool, Tom sighed with defeat then led her to the dance floor and asked the computer to play something romantic.

The music started playing and he moved them to the rhythm holding her close.

"So this is your idea of a date huh? Not what I'm used to, but I like it. A little warning would've been nice though," she said resting her head on his shoulder.

"Actually, this was more me trying to convince you that you can still play pool then a date. But if you want to consider this a date, I'm game," he replied pulling her in for a kiss.

* * *

Later that evening, Tom accompanied Kathryn to her check up with the Doctor and was currently hovering over her bedside worriedly. "Any change Doc?" he asked the Doctor who looked annoyed by him and shook his head.

"No, I'm sorry to say that she's still blind,"

Her face fell and Tom glared at the Doctor.

"Obviously," she said sitting up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "Can I go now?"

"You can go. Lets just hope theres a change tomorrow," the Doc said moving away and Tom helped Kathryn off the bed and out into the corridor where she leaned her back frustratingly against the bulkhead besides the doors

"What's wrong?" he asked hating to see her upset, but didn't blame her at all and flinched realizing it was a stupid question.

"Everything is wrong because I know what I have to do now. Even though its the last thing I want to do," she answered facing him looking about ready to burst into tears.

"What are you talking about? What do you have to do?" he probed lifting her hand in his and laced their fingers together.

"Take me to the bridge," she instructed.

He nodded and led her to the bridge where she told him to wait for her and made her way to Chakotay who stood and greeted her.

"Captain. Its good to see you're up and about," the Commander said looking over at Tom as if asking him what was going on. He shrugged his shoulders wondering what she was up to himself, but somehow knew he wasn't going like it.

"I need to speak with you Commander, alone," she said holding out her hand in front of Tom indicating for him to stay back. He nodded and let the Commander lead her to the ready room.

"What going on?" Harry asked from ops and Tom shook his head.

"I don't know. She wouldn't tell me," he answered.

It felt like forever until she finally emerged from the ready room with Chakotay in toe and stepped back onto the bridge in front of her Captains chair and ordered a ship wides communication channel.

"This is your Captain speaking. I'm sorry to say this will be my last time speaking to you as your Captain as I am hear-by resigning on this date. Commander Chakotay will now be your Captain. I know that you will be the same stead fast crew for him as you have been for me. It was an honor to be your Captain, but I'm afraid my current and most likely permanent condition is preventing me from being so now. I only hope you understand and will forgive me. Janeway out," she ended the link and Tom couldn't believe what she had just done.

"Captain are you insane? You just threw away your career," he yelled at Kathryn before turning to the Commander balling his fist at his sides. He can't remember the last time he felt so angry. "How could you let her go through with this? You didn't even try to stop her did you? You wanted to be Captain from the beginning and this is just the perfect opportunity for you to get your way," Tom growled accusingly at Chakotay throwing his hands up in the air and glared murderously at the man, who glared just as murderously back.

"Tom thats enough. This is my choice. Leave the Commander out of it. And just so you know, he did try stopping me, but my decision is final," Kathryn defended Chakotay and Tom turned his glare on her.

"How could you do this? The crew needs you."

"Not here Tom. Please!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**_** Feedback is always lovely! **_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? How could you give up being Captain just like that?" Tom yelled as they entered her quarters. She spun around placing her hands on her hips and scowled at him.

"Just like that?" she snarled.

He flinched at her harsh tone.

"You think this was easy for me? I loved being Captain! Giving it up was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But we have to except the fact that my blindness may be permanent and that I'm pretty much useless until the Doctor finds a cure. If thats at all possible?"

Tom felt like punching something. Preferably himself. All that was happening now was his fault. "I'm sorry," he suddenly apologized.

"What for?" she asked moving a little closer to him.

"For everything! If I hadn't of asked you to go down to the planet with me in the first place. None of this would've happened."

"Now you stop it right there Thomas Eugene Paris. This wasn't your fault. It was my choice to go down there with you," she scolded waving her finger at him.

"Yeah but..."

"No buts. This was not your fault. And I don't blame you at all. So you can stop beating yourself up over it." Tom sighed tiring of the argument and nodded in agreement, but he still wasn't happy about it.

"You're not useless," he changed the subject.

"Really? What is a blind woman supposed to do on a Starship? Nothing. There for, I'm useless."

"No you're not," he tried comforting moving to hug her, but she stepped back and turned away from him and he felt his heart breaking for her.

"Please Tom. I need to be alone right now."

"Thats the last thing you need," he argued hugging her from behind. He laid his chin on her shoulder and kissed the base of her neck. He wasn't about to leave her alone and let her wallow in self pity. She pulled out of his arms and walked into her bedroom. He watched her go and seeing her hurting left a dull ache in his heart. He decided the best course of action would be to let her be for the time being, but he was still going to be here.

The next morning, Tom woke up on her couch. He sat up and stretched the ache out of his back before standing up. He yawned as he made his way to her bedroom to check on her and his heart shattered by what he saw.

She was sprawled out on the bed with a phaser laying by her hand.

"KATHRYN!" he cried rushing to her side and lifted her up in his arms. She was so pale and cold. He felt for a pulse, but there wasn't one. "Kathryn no! Why?" he sobbed into her shoulder. He never saw this coming and it hit him hard. There was no use calling the Doctor, so he laid next to her on the bed cradling her lifeless form in his arms until someone found them. He didn't know how he was supposed to deal with this and he felt a part of himself die right there with her.

* * *

That was how Harry found them sometime later, Tom was late for his duty shift on the bridge and he wouldn't awnser hails , so the new Captain asked him to find him. Chakotay was good, but he missed Janeway as Captain and he hoped that if the Doctor found a cure for her blindness that she would be so again.

Tom looked up at him as he entered her bedroom and he froze. He's never seen such despair in his friends eyes before and it scared him. He couldn't believe it and didn't know if it was real until he felt for a pulse himself and found there wasn't one. He fell to his knees beside the bed unable to take his eyes off her. He tried telling himself not to cry, that it was just an awful nightmare. But he knew it wasn't and that nothing was ever going to be the same again. His best friend was never going to be the same again and he knew that he had lost him along with his Captain. He burried his head in his hands and cried for the both of them.

**THE END**

**A/N:**_**I know, I know! Please don't kill me! And PLEASE REVIEW! Even if you hated it! **_


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